


Phone Jack

by Sid



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Gen, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 17:24:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sid/pseuds/Sid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you're stuck in a time loop, who're you gonna call?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phone Jack

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank my betas, sid_fan and [](http://muck-a-luck.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**muck_a_luck**](http://muck-a-luck.dreamwidth.org/), especially [](http://muck-a-luck.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**muck_a_luck**](http://muck-a-luck.dreamwidth.org/), who was actually volunteering to beta a different fic entirely!

"Yes?"

"Sir, Colonel Mitchell is on the line for you."

"Thank you. Mitchell! What can I do for you this fine spring day?"

"Good afternoon, sir. I have a slight problem."

"Such as?"

"A time loop sort of problem, sir."

"Time loop, you say. That doesn't sound good."

"It's no fun at all, sir. But then you would know that."

"And you, having read all the mission reports, would know _that_. That's why you're calling me?"

"I could use some encouraging words, sir."

"I take it you don't have Teal'c with you."

"No, sir. He's off-world anyway, but no, I'm on my lonesome."

"Sorry to hear that. Any idea how long…?"

"I'm keeping a tally in my head, sir. The loop's just over three hours long, so the count tends to build up fast."

"Yes, well, don't bother with the arithmetic. The answer wouldn't help. What's the current situation?"

"Sam and Jackson are working on it. Again."

"Using information you've brought forward with you from previous loops?"

"Yes, sir."

"You don't have to learn Latin, do you?"

"No, sir. Thank goodness for small favors, am I right?"

"Should speed up the process. Sort of a _big_ favor, actually. Unless you've always wanted to learn Latin."

"It hasn't been on my to-do list, sir, no."

"Mitchell. Have we spoken before?"

"No, sir."

"Why today? And by today I mean…."

"I got it, sir. Why now? Well, I've been thinking about it. I mean, you naturally come to mind as someone who's lived through a similar mess. I guess I'm… I could use some encouraging words, survival tips. Whatever you've got."

"Well, my first advice would be to have Teal'c with you, but that's out."

"No offense to Teal'c, but I'd give my left pinkie finger to have Sam or Jackson with me. Talk about speeding up the process."

"True. I see your point. They'll get there in the end, though. Mark my words. Brains the size of planets."

"Yes, sir."

"Have I encouraged you?"

"You have, sir."

"Now, as for survival tips, just make sure you take some time for yourself when you need to."

"Don't crack up. Yes, sir."

"You play golf?"

"No, sir."

"Ah. Never mind."

"I may have time to take it up, though."

"That's not the attitude we're looking for, Colonel."

"I… well, sir, I do feel a bit better for having talked with you."

"Feel free to call again, in that case."

"I will. Thank you, sir. I'd better get going. Glad I caught you at your desk."

"I spend much of my life at this desk. You can most assuredly catch me again."

"Goodbye, sir."

"Take care."

~~~~

"Yes?"

"Sir, Colonel Mitchell is on the line for you."

"Thank you. Colonel Mitchell! What can I do for you on this lovely spring day?"

"Hello, sir. You can talk to me about time loops and being trapped in one, which is where I am currently."

"Well, damn. You alone?"

"I am."

"Oy. I'm glad you called. I mean, I don't know how much help I can be…."

"Talking helps. We've already talked once. It helped, sir. And you told me to feel free."

"Sounds like me. Glad you took me up on it. What's the situation?"

"Sam and Jackson are hard at work, using the information I've been able to carry forward from previous loops. The loops only last about three hours, so when you factor in the time spent getting them up to speed…."

"It's a process, Mitchell. Like all processes, it'll take time. But they'll get there. Brains the size of planets, you know."

"Yes, sir, I do know. Bears repeating, though."

"Ah. At least for once I don't need to worry it's old age making me forgetful. Which is good. But I digress. What are you doing to keep yourself sane, Colonel?"

"Well, I'm thanking my lucky stars that if I had to get trapped in a time loop at the SGC, at least it happened on a Tuesday."

"Tuesday? As in Meatloaf Tuesday?"

"I assume I'm going to get tired of it eventually, sir, but that day hasn't come yet."

"The Pentagon only has meatloaf once a month. It's good enough, but it lacks that certain _je ne sais quoi_. And they always serve it with _carrots_. Not my preference. But I'm digressing again."

"Any tips for me on how to hang onto the remaining shreds of my sanity while I wait this thing out? And before you ask, I don't play golf."

"Ah. Ever tried your hand at throwing pots?"

"I've definitely felt like smashing things, but I haven't actually tossed any kitchenware around, no, sir."

"Pottery, Mitchell. Potter's wheel, clay."

"Oh. That doesn't sound particularly up my alley, sir. No offense."

"None taken. To each his own. Do you juggle perchance?"

"I used to juggle very badly when I was about ten years old."

"It passes the time. And the skill will last you a lifetime."

"I may give that a try. Sir, I have to be going. I need to start memorizing whatever Sam and Jackson have for me."

"Better than trying to understand it, I assume."

"Lord above, you've got that right, sir. Rote is my only hope."

"Good luck, say hi, hang in there. Continue to feel free."

"I will, sir. Thank you. Goodbye, sir."

~~~~

"Mitchell. How's the weather by you?"

"Reluctant springtime, I'd call it. Sir, I'm going to shorthand things, if you'll forgive me."

"Shoot."

"Time loop, just me, Sam and Jackson working on previous loops' information that I learn by rote, no to pottery and golf, juggling just pissed me off, still loving the meatloaf, still hanging onto my sanity, what's left of it. Advice, tips, words of encouragement are sought. If you've got 'em, sir, I am all ears. Oh, and brains the size of planets."

"Not our first conversation, evidently."

"Third. Talking to you helps."

"You sound a little tense. Which is understandable."

"Hence the phone call, sir. You make me feel better."

"I can't imagine why. Advice, is it? Get your hands on a bicycle. I had a dandy time riding one up and down the hallways on one of my not-so-sane days."

"Man, that makes me just want to hop on a motorcycle and take off. Fresh air, sunshine. Reluctant sunshine, but still. Maybe next loop. I get three hours. A three hour ride would shake loose a whole _bunch_ of cobwebs."

"That's… making me uneasy, Mitchell."

"Why, sir?"

"Distance covered, potential risks. What if something happened to you? What if the loop ended but you weren't suddenly back at the SGC with… whatever your equivalent of a spoonful of Froot Loops is?"

"I could ask Sam what she thinks."

"If she says it's all right, invite her along. The company would probably do you more good than whatever progress Carter might make if she kept working."

"I'll ask her."

"Juggling pissed you off?"

"Heh-heh. I'm very, very bad at it, sir."

"I'm sure you're talented in other areas."

"That's what I'm talkin' about! Encouraging words. Thank you, sir. Thank you for puttin' up with my crazy."

"Not so much with the crazy, from what I've just heard. Sounds to me like you're doing all right."

"Thank you, sir. Appearances can be deceiving, but I appreciate it. I have to get going now."

"All right. Good luck, _bonne chance_ , break a leg. Metaphorically speaking."

"So long, sir."

~~~~

"If you'll forgive my saying, you don't sound so hot."

"Very definilly not my best day, sir. 'Sir.' It's like, so _automatic_ even when I don't particularly give a rat's ass. I could call you 'douchebag' and it wouldn't make a fuck's worth of difference in the end."

"It'd make me hang up on you."

" _Please_ don't."

"Wasn't planning to. Mitchell, have you been drinking?"

"Yeah. Why the hell not, I told myself. Take a loop off and hit the juice. It'll be interesting. See what happens when the motherfuckin' loop starts over. Will I still be drunk? Hungover? Inquiring mind wants to know."

"You can write a paper, when you… settle down."

"Well, now, that just makes me need 'nother drink."

"Forget I mentioned it."

"Ha! I've got another half hour of drinkin'. I might forget my own fuckin' name if I really work at it."

"As long as you remember mine isn't 'douchebag'."

"Can I call you 'Jack', Jack? Heh, Jack-jack."

"I'm willing to overlook it. The paperwork for insubordination would take too long, given I'd have less than half an hour to file it."

"Well, Jack, I don't know, frankly, how much more of this shitty shit I can take. Sam nixed the 'cycle trip idea. Ah, you don't know what the hell I'm talkin' about, anyway. Fuckin' cobwebs are cloggin' up my brain, big time."

"Cobwebs in the head are bad."

"Real bad, Jack. My buddy, Jack. Shit, I wish you were here."

"I couldn't help. I couldn't make a bit of…"

"Yes; yes, you could. You do. Jack. Nobody else _gets_ it."

"You have to hang in there. Son, you _have_ to. Do not let me down. Mitchell?"

"No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. Three bags full, sir. Heh. Sir Jack. Heh-heh."

"Laughter's good. You're gonna be _fine_. Carter and Daniel have… got this thing licked. Any minute now."

"Any minute. God bless 'em. I gotta keep the faith, 'sall. It's like my grandma always…whoa! Shit."

"Mitchell?"

"Fell down. Heh."

"Might as well stay down, son. The floor is your friend."

"Like m'friend Jack."

"Exactly. More or less."

"Don' hate me. 'pologize."

"Don't worry. Cam? Don't worry and don't apologize."

"Best."

"I am, aren't I?"

~~~~

"Sorry to hear you're in that particular pickle. Are you at least seeing progress?"

"Yes, sir, there's definitely been progress. I'm just… impatient."

"Can't say as I blame you."

"Speaking of which."

"Which which?"

"Blame, I guess. The last time we talked, sir, I'm afraid I was very drunk. And probably very insubordinate. I wanted to apologize."

"You're apologizing for something that I couldn't possibly remember?"

"I… need to."

"That bad?"

"Oh, no, sir. No. I don't think I was offensive. Just… over the line."

"Did I tell you that?"

"Except for the part where you threatened to hang up, no, sir. You were very…"

"Benevolent?"

"That's the perfect word; yes, sir."

"It's something I've been working on. In a perhaps futile attempt not to piss off any of the brass any more than I've already pissed them off by being noticeably pissed off by them and their asinine shenanigans. If you follow my drift."

"Just barely, sir. And, sir, in case you didn't get the memo, you _are_ the brass."

"Yes. Well. Getting the memo and reading it are two different things."

"And that explains one of Jackson's favorite jokes."

"Glad I could clear that up for you."

"I have to get going, sir. Thank you, as always. Thanks for being there and for listening to my tales of woe and for… well. Thank you."

"Pleasure. Any time. Seriously. You take care, hear?"

"I will. Goodbye, sir."

~~~~

"So I hear you've been in a loop?"

"Yes, sir. Thank God, _on my knees_ , thank _God_ it's finally over."

"I know just what you mean."

"Yes, sir. That you do."

"I'm sure I'll be reading all the boring details before long, but I just wondered if there was anything juicy that isn't going to make the final cut?"

"You mean like golf and bicycles and juggling and throwing pots, sir?"

"Someone's been talking."

"Yes, you have, sir."

"We've been chatting?"

"You've been a lifeline, sir. Literally."

"I'm… well, I don't know what to say to that. Sorry I missed it?"

"But not really?"

"Not really, no. Sorry you had to go through that. Having to rely on me for a lifeline is desperate business, all right."

"You're not giving yourself enough credit, sir."

"Well. Pshaw."

"Heh. General, sir, it has been, if not strictly a pleasure, at the very least a trip and a half."

"Now _that_ I _am_ sorry I missed."

"Thank you, for everything. For advice and a shoulder, and especially for your benevolence. "

"I was benevolent? I've been working on that."

"Yes, sir, I know."

"Do I even want to know how _much_ you know?"

"I know carrots aren't your favorite vegetable, sir. At least not with meatloaf."

"That's true. And harmless."

"And a secret that is entirely safe with me, sir."

"Good. I'll be relying on your discretion, then."

"Take it to my grave."

"Good man."

"Goodbye, sir."

"Good work, son."

"Thank you."

"Bye."

"Bye, sir."


End file.
